I had to Start Speaking in Metaphor.

The following quote is from the last episode of a show I’m watching American Crime. The guy was stood there in front of a group of people that were gathered as a support group for people who were victims (survivors) of sexual assaults.

The fact that the power and emotion behind the words brought me to tears… I must share it.

To the journalist who asked me if I was sure that I was raped… I mean really sure…

You’re right. I don’t remember what my rapist was wearing. I don’t remember how much I had to drink. I don’t remember what time it was, how long it lasted, or how he held me. I do remember that the word “rape” never felt like it belonged to me in the first place…

Or after the responding officers rolled their eyes or after you asked me if I was sure that a man could be raped.I mean really raped. I’m sure that I remember it feeling like every room of my home being broken into at the same time. I’m sure that I had to start speaking in metaphor for you to start listening.

I’m sure that man and woman is not all a body can be. I’m sure it does not matter. It does not matter. Remember how I told you that it felt like every room of my home being broken into at the same time.

Remember how busy you were trying to figure out how they got in that you forgot all about the person living there.


Tanilla; Where is Her Inquest?!



For backstory: One. Two. Three.

This week we found out that there may not be an inquest into Tanilla’s death and the role that FaCS played in the events that lead up to and involved her death. This is due to an alleged shift in the systems involved in FaCS since her murder in 2011. Allegedly the system has been altered and upgraded in an attempt to lessen the instances of these failures.

I am blocked from asking questions on Pru Goward’s page because she did not like the questions I was asking, because they prompt her to tell the truth about how broken the system was and still is.

You are not blocked though!

Ask her to tell the truth about WHY there may be no inquest into Tanilla’s death and why her system is continuing to use FaCS as a method of warfare against people who are asking these hard questions of them!

Pru Goward you and your government officials are responsible for the welfare and the lives of children who are being failed. You are not supposed to fail them also. Your institution is government entity that exists FOR the community, not to be AGAINST the community.

An inquest MUST go ahead. There is absolutely no excuse good enough for a government employed FaCS worker to have been present at a “welfare check” on a high risk child and not lay their actual eyes on the child who is noted as being high risk – This failure to conduct the most simple task involved in their job is an aggravating factor in Tanilla’s death. Had this employee laid eyes on her they would have looked at her as she lay dying in that pram and it could have been the difference that was needed between her being alive and her being dead.

That is a failure by the employee and the system that they are working under.

Your 25% success rate is an embarrassment. You are an embarrassment. Your system is a disgrace and your failure to conduct an inquest is disgrace, a disgrace that is a mere protection of yourself and your broken system.

“It should not hurt to be a child” is an assertion that you and your people are meant to legally exert. But you have failed and no matter what – We’re not going to go away.


pru goward

Some People Don’t Have the Skill & Some Don’t Have the Heart.

Preface: I have a strong reasons verse excuses mentality. I think that the following subjects and feelings and conditions are reasons. However I also feel that our reasons for doing things can never be used as excuses for things that have been done.

I am not going to sit here and pretend I know a lot about tennis – I don’t. I also am not going to sit here and tell you I know a lot about Bernard Tomic – I don’t.

From a quick Google search of Bernard Tomic – I have learned that he is very good at what he does and that he has been involved in tennis from a young age. I have read that his dad is a huge motivator in his career and a has a huge impact on his life in general.

What I personally take from the articles and other literature I have been reading today is that Bernard’s comments are an indictment of the epidemic that is parents who had the heart for a chosen field but did not necessarily have the skill or the opportunity to achieve in this chosen field – So when they couldn’t they push their children to live a life they couldn’t achieve.

This leads to a whole group of children who have parents who lack the skills pushing the children who don’t have the heart.

As mentioned above, I don’t know much about tennis or Bernard Tomic, the above are just my thoughts and my interpretations of a situation. I don’t know anything about those two things. However, I do know a lot about Depression. I do know a lot about attempting to excel at activities that I’m good at – Not because I like it – But because I want to make the people around me happy. Although every day that I am doing it, I feel like pieces of me are falling away, that I can’t get back. Living that life for such a long time has equipped me with a sense of insight –

You can’t get it, until you get it.

People who have not suffered Depression, won’t understand it. People who think they have suffered Depression because they have had a bad day or a bad week and felt down, won’t get it. Because it’s not a bad day, or a bad week. It’s about no matter how good life is – Or how much you have, you wake up every day with the lights turned off and nothing will make them turn on.


It’s the sinking feeling inside your chest that you no matter how many times you have laid in bed and given up, you get back up in the morning because no one has noticed you have given up. You have given up and no one has noticed… Then you are told that although you feel like you are dying inside – You have to be grateful and you have absolutely no right to feel the way you are feeling because you were born with a skill that made it be so that you could excel in your field.

The common cold does not discriminate.
Migraines do not discriminate.
Heart disease does not discriminate.
Cancer does not discriminate.

Guess what? Neither do Mental Health Diseases.

No one is infallible and to tell someone that they are not suffering just because they are living a different lifestyle than us does not negate the disease. We cannot as a society tell men, women and children to speak out if they are feeling Depressed or suicidal and then when they reach out tell them that they have no right to feel that way.

Sometimes people stop caring, not because they are attempting to be disrespectful to others, or they are disregarding others – Believe it or not, it’s not about anyone else at all. It’s about them and the fact that sometimes it’s so difficult to even exist every day tolerating yourself that you’re too exhausted to even bother with the life you’ve been leading until then.

Especially if your level of skill cannot make up for your complete lack of heart.


They Can Because They Think They Can

“They can because they think they can”
– Virgil

When babies are born they really are quite useless – The only actions they take part in are the ones that are biologically programmed into living beings to be done without having to consciously think about doing it: Breathing, sleeping, going to the toilet and crying to express the need for something; be it food, a new nappy or just the same feeling they had while in the womb, being wrapped in safe warm arms. It’s what they do – Eat, sleep and poop. Oh, and cry – You can never get away from that one!

As they grow older they start to develop a very basic sense of awareness of what is happening around them and their parents or other close family members being around them all the time, they become the focus of the baby, listening to them talking, the sounds they make as their voice leaves their mouths, rather than the actual message being conveyed. Their actions and movements. In their developing brains the signals being sent are ones of mimicking these noises and movements. Because that’s how growth and development work.

Why am I talking about babies here? What does this have to do with the NRL – Just bare with me, there is a connection here and this does actually mean something.

As babies grow a bit bigger they start making noises, they’re not talking to you – Babies don’t know how to talk, they’re just trying to mimic the sound vibrations you are making. However the way that babies mouths and tongues develop can play a trick on us as we stand there repeating “Mum mum mum” or “Dad dad dad”. When the baby mimics the sound it is delivered in the way it is because of the above mentioned mouth and tongue development. This development makes sounds like “Ma” and “Da” the easiest noises to make – Along with other short simple sounds, that we don’t correlate with anything because they’re not important to us.

So baby starts repeating “Ma Ma Ma” and we jump up and down and do the hokey pokey and praise them because OMG my baby is saying MUM! Really until there’s a clear “Mum”, your baby is mimicking sounds by vibrating their tongue with little use of the vocal cords, but that’s beside the point..

The point is  because we have such a positively reinforced reaction to what we WANT to hear as our baby addressing us, the babies immature mind see’s the happy, clapping and smiling person standing in front of them as an audience and will continue making the noises because their biological need for affection and comfort is being met. Your baby didn’t learn to talk in that instance, but through the consistent and positive reactive approach to the situation (Appeasing our own ego’s, somewhat), we instil the idea in their developing minds, that if they keep trying, if they keep copying more words and actions we will keep praising

They can because they think they can.

They can because they think they can, because our reaction as basically their “God” showed and told them that they could do it, so they kept trying, because the happy approval and praise made them keep trying so they could feel that feeling of approval again and again.

That is teaching them and that is them learning.

It’s the same with walking… Most toddlers first steps are “Falling, with style”, but by Christ no mother is having that, my baby just walked. Even if they have now face planted. Again we make the biggest fuss praising them, how clever they are and when did they become such a big boy/girl – Come to mummy, come on walk to me. They take those steps because we are there holding out our hands, telling them they can, but assuring them that even if they fall – We’re right there to catch them.

That’s how teaching works. People who can achieve something and achieve it to a high standard the first time they do it – They aren’t the rule, they are the exception to it. Reality is for the majority of people we need to suck at stuff for awhile before we start sucking less. We need to get flogged 48-0 once or twice, before we start not losing by quite so much. We need to fail in order to learn how to succeed.

But that process becomes fragmented when outside influences are involved. You see, whereas mum and dad are the: “They can because they think they can” cheer squad – The rest of the world is not and just to put it plainly, some people out in the world can be real arseholes. They will see you struggle and for some reason they will take it upon themselves to be the commentary team for your failures, throwing it on your emotional 6 O’clock news constantly just so that the self esteem and confidence that your parents worked tirelessly for years to ingrain in your sub conscious can be taken apart brick by brick in less than a tenth of the time that it took to build.

What once was that you can because you think you can becomes:

“Mum and dad just told me that because they love me too much to tell me that I suck at that, they just want to spare my feelings”

Then you hear that enough times, that your failures and weaknesses begin to define you and become as much of your personality as any other trait. You become someone who thinks maybe I can’t because they’re all telling me that I can’t do it. Which can lead to a few different things:

  • Blatantly not bothering to try if you’re not good at it the first time, because you just suck at it, you’re not going to get better, it’s bullshit anyway.
  • You try too hard to be perfect at it straight away, even though you’re not entirely sure what you’re doing – Or you lack the confidence to tell yourself you WILL be good at it, you just try too hard and then you give up way too easily when it becomes an exhaustive process (No one is perfect – Let’s clear that one up. Absolutely NO ONE! No one in the history of ever and if they tell you they are or that other person is, they are wrong. Which is evidence of them not being perfect in itself)
  • You try and when you don’t succeed the way that you were expected to by the people around you are left with that heavy feeling of disappointment. There are people who say that you’re rubbish and why are you there anyway. They have a million different reasons why you suck – But just remember, what they say of you, says more of them, than it does of you.

The last point now brings me to how this connects to the NRL.


I will say before anyone jumps in to say these guys are not babies, they’re grown men. Yes they are, but they are human at the bottom line and humans have basic primal needs.


Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (Source)

We’re going to focus on the top two tiers for the purposes of this blog post and discuss how these two tiers appear to be addressed by the NRL, The Cowboys as a team, the media and the collective and hypothetical fans – I haven’t got any individual quotes to put in here – That’s their circus and their monkeys in a specific sense – But in a general sense, I’ll blog about it because it’s always something that’s troubled me.

So many comments, assessments and conclusions are completely disregarding pretty much every single primal human need of the guys who play for the Cowboys. I am not going to explain each point and why and how they’re being disregarded. It’s really self explanatory if you read what you and others are saying and that’s something you can do some self reflection on…  But, here’s my comeback to the disregard being paid to these needs.

The Cowboys are a side that to me have come along in leaps and bounds over the years, I remember vaguely when I was younger them seeming kind of irrelevant and inconsequential when it came to teams that made an impact in the game. However there are only two certainties in life and one of them isn’t how a football club was in the past is how they will be in the present and the future.

(I am no big fan of JT but those opinions aren’t for this entry – But I thought i’d preface with that, so people didn’t think I was being a bit two-faced ;))

However I can give credit where credit is due – For all the things I don’t like, I do like that he advocates vehemently for the players who are on his team, I like that he is not a selfish leader for the Cowboys. I like that he advocates for people who do not have a voice loud enough to be heard in our Indigenous communities. He appears to genuinely care about these things and care about his team, while also showing them that he is their captain and their leader.

Their captain and their leader.

He is not their shoulders that they are carried on. He is not a one man team. Despite what commentary and presenting teams and the media will suggest. When a team plays in Townsville they are not “Playing JT”, they are playing the Cowboys. The 13 men on the field and the ones sitting on the bench as interchange as well. He was 1/13th of the team on the field. He is a good player. Some would say the greatest of all time. The next Immortal. Whatever you want to call him, they’re all titles he can wear proudly and look back fondly that his playing and performance invoked those thoughts…

I don’t know JT personally, so this is purely me saying this based on common decency as a human being, but I don’t think he will look back fondly on his team being told they suck without him, especially by people who call themselves fans of the team. But not by anyone, it’s rude for one and it’s completely false. They do not suck. They lack the leadership that JT provides them – Because he has been providing them with the I can because I think I can mentality. He took a club that was inconsequential and he didn’t carry it, he taught it to walk and talk and made them believe that they could win because, even if they didn’t – They have to suck a lot before they can become really good.

I truly believe that if pretty everybody I see stop telling the Cowboys and anybody else that will listen that they cannot because they suck without JT. They will be able to rebuild the bricks that JT built in them and stop believing that without him on the field, that they’re nothing and start believing again that they can because they think they can. But they can’t hear that voice JT put there over the deafening sound of defeatists whose   assessments make them doubt not only their capabilities without JT  but their abilities as overall NRL players.

Cowboys is not a one man team. JT could not run onto a field solo and compete against a team of 13 and win. If he proves me wrong, I will admit that he is the GOAT. But if we approach the team and being realistic instead of idealistically putting him on a pedestal, we know that it’s not possible.

All the players in that team are there because they displayed something that stood out to the people who select the Cowboys side. Every single one of them. Whether people have the ability to recognise it in them or not. They all have a role to play and they have been chose to the there because out of the options that were presented to the selectors, they are the best people to be in that team. They are not there because they have the ability to ride on JT’s shoulders like little clowns in a clown car. They do not exist in the team to flatter him, or protect him (Although they do – Because they respect and care for him)… But most of all they were not selected to be in the Cowboys side to be emotionally trained by the masses to believe that without him they are failures.

JT does do many things for the team – Kicking and controlling the plays and leading – But that’s not something that makes him better than the other players, or more important – That makes him someone who does the job he’s employed to do as one of the halves combination, as the goal kicker and as the captain. If he couldn’t do those jobs effectively and efficiently after all these years, then alternate employment options should be explored.

JT doesn’t carry the team, the team carries each other. His team mates doing their jobs so effectively and professionally through their own hardwork, their own merits and their own skill is what makes the job look so easy for him to perform. Their ability and their efforts in working together is what affords JT the opportunities and the freedom of movement and time to deliver the last tackle kick options that people think are so phenomenal. If the team around him wasn’t doing their job properly, it would be much more difficult for JT to perform at what they call the JT Masterclass level.

Without JT on the field the team is the same team that assists JT to create these opportunities. They are the same players, they have the same skills and they have the same capabilities.

The only thing that is missing from them when JT isn’t on the field, other than his leadership, is the belief that they can achieve without him, because people have dedicated far too much time to convincing them that they can’t

His inability or Yours?



If Lichaa isn’t being controlled by the myth that I believe is Hasler, he will develop into a good player. He may never be great, he probably won’t be penned in the same sentences as Buderus or Cam Smith – He will though be able to develop and grow as a footballer and be the best that he can be for a team that see’s his potential, rather than seeing him as nothing more than a servant to the formula’s and game plans that seemingly exist only in Des’ mind. Lichaa may be leaps and bounds behind a lot of the Hookers in the game in regards to offensive impact in games, but in terms of defensive, I think he exceeds a lot of them. In the modern game the issue of defensive wrestling technique has taken over the whole subscription in terms of talking points and focus of attention, that the traditional defensive technique of out muscling and forcing your opponent to go into negative metres as become a part of the game that people not just undervalue but actually deem obsolete.

It is not and they are wrong.

The game is rugby league football. It is not professional wrestling. It is not Vince McMahon’s WWE. Rugby League is not Jericho. It is not an 80 minute Hell in a Cell. It is rugby league…

And rugby league is not just about scoring tries, it is about stopping them as well. The premise of the game of rugby league is to effectively reach the 80 minute mark with points scoring higher than the opposition through a series of offensive and defensive plays… and Lichaa is 10th across the league for total tackles this season. He is 7 tackles away from exceeding Smith. He has 19 missed tackles. Smith has 25. Friend has 40. Pritchard has 48.

He’s played 8 minutes less than Smith.

He’s not a shit player. You’re just expecting that every single player is there for their offensive impact, when they’re not. That’s your inability to see the bigger picture of the game, not his inability to play it.

It only just occurred to me – The irony. The same people who have so much to say about Mitchell Moses and his inability to tackle are the very same people who have the inability to recognise the sheer amount of tackles Lichaa makes.

Improve Your Argument.


Dear Reece,

Allegedly you “work” at the NRL.  Which could very well be on the same Facebook employment level as “Full time sick c*nt” and “Hoocymama Incorporated”. However, if you are indeed employed by the NRL you should have held off until White Ribbon round to send your message, so you could undoubtedly convey the culture that the NRL is trying to achieve.

Your message is an absolute poster child for what the White Ribbon round and the White Ribbon campaign as a whole exists to educate on and fight against.

Now, I don’t know if you tried to communicate with me on any of the posts about State of Origin on Facebook, as I am only notified if someone replies to a comment I made directly to the post – Not for replies I’ve made on another person’s comment. But I made the effort to articulate opinions and interpretations based on what I watch week to week in rugby league, the rules that I have educated myself on with hours of research and reading the rule books, the year to year amendments to the rules and interpretations and knowledge I have obtained while reading articles written by league experts and interviews with players and officials involved in the game.

You could have attempted the same.

However, you are seemingly a coward. Instead of jumping on a post and tagging me to debate or discuss the game, the players and the league in question or even sending me a private message to debate the topic one on one – You chose to throw out any intelligence or credibility you could have displayed in a debate and went straight for the sexist and violent alternative – That turns you into nothing more than an abusive internet bully.

You weren’t happy enough with just that one though. You had to go one step further and being a cowardly sexist, abusive internet bully, who as soon as the message was sent to my inbox – Blocked me, so I could not even rebut.

This is my rebuttal.

When you develop past the stage of development that incites this urge to promptly choose to be abusive and quite frankly deplorable, you could come and chat. Although I could also sit and debate sexism in sporting codes with you and I could also discuss the Criminal Code Act 1995 (Cth) – Which outlines how as a national law it is a crime to encourage or cause someone to kill themselves (Yep, even online you smarty pants!).

But my preferred topic of discussion or debate – As suggested by the comments and discussions in which you read of mine to cause you such displeasure, I like to discuss sports. I like to discuss rugby league. I like to discuss the NRL. Especially the integrity, the morals and the principles and codes that are exhibited by the NRL’s administration, the officials and the players.

My sexual integrity has nothing to do with the NRL or the discussions I have about it. Don’t become abusive Reece, it’s unnecessary, it’s illegal and it’s an absolute reflection on you as a human being, it says every single thing a person needs to know about you and it says absolutely nothing about me.

I’m sure you won’t mind this screen shot with your picture being here, right? Being that you gathered so much testicular fortitude to send the message in the first place. You deserve the attention!



Dropped Ball?! Who cares!

It’s a sad indictment for the NRL when players personal lives are what they focus on when they talk about being positive role models. Things the public shouldn’t even know about bring the game into disrepute and influence the children’s…


A guy will drop a ball in goal and celebrate it as if it were a try knowing that he dropped it. He lied and cheated on national TV with those very same children who wouldn’t about players personal lives, if adults didn’t scream about it, saw him drop it, saw him celebrate and lie and saw him awarded for it.

What type of institution has such a hard line stance on integrity until the players are actually playing the game that these “impressionable children” are actually watching and is the very reason that they would idolize these guys to begin with.

I don’t care what they do in their downtime. My kids don’t know about it – But they do know that these guys are elite athlete’s competing and playing a game and they can see when someone cheats and they can see when the system awards people for cheating – That’s what the NRL should concern themselves with…

That the cheaters get awarded & all the cheated get are a “Whoops, our bad”. This is why the NRL is not on my list of morally influential entities that I should encourage my children to idolise.

Cam Smith, code name: Master of Manipulation.

The headline after last nights game in the Sydney Morning Herald:


Let’s set aside the fact that my pre-game prediction for this particular match (And well, any the Sharks play in, if I’m being honest) was that the the officials would literally blow the Shark’s back into the game last night Flanno, instead let’s talk about the red herring (You know, the one thrown up to distract from yet another albeit failed, but another attempt to milk your way to a victory) the ol’ chestnut that Cam Smith exploits the referee’s, how about you consider this;

If the officials of the game knew the rules fluently enough to properly officiate games, he wouldn’t have to use his captains communication rights to explain to them what the rules are and why the rules are what the rules are. Yes, he does communicate more effectively with the officials and this does see a lot of the calls being made in his favour – It’s not because of exploitation, it’s because of education of the rules and interpretations of the game he is playing – Which gives him an amazing advantage over the other captains in the game.

It’s not Cam Smith’s job to force the officials to exert the rules that the NRL are trying to assert in their rule books. If the players in the NRL are expected to be of an elite standard, the officials mandating the game should also be of an elite standard. Which means they should not be being educated on the rules by the captain of one of the teams they are given the responsibility of governing.

If a player of the game has a superior knowledge of the rules of the game than the officials who are “controlling” the game and has to educate the officials on the rules and the interpretations, THAT is the problem with the NRL.

Assert and exert? What am I talking about? The NRL could write a laundry list of rules to govern the games, however if the officiating parties employed by the NRL do not know the rules thoroughly enough to referee the games and need to rely on players for prompts, then the NRL cannot enforce these rules after the fact and they cannot enforce these rules from sometimes thousands of kilometres away.


Headline Source:  Sydney Morning Herald: Adam Pengilly